Osho Day 6 of 7

Let the moment decide

Today was a good day. I had an open session with Raj, an Oxford graduate who renounced everything, left the bar because being a lawyer made him miserable. He was my age when he left everything and moved to India and he’s been here for the last 35 years. He said this age is pretty significant because the planet Saturn is finishing its 4th rotation around the sun since the time I have been born. (It takes 7 years for this planet to make one whole circle around the sun). It’s a pivotal point because up until now, it was all karmic — nothing chosen. Birth place, birth parents, moving to different cities, schools — they are all decided for us. But now it’s the time where you are coming to a fork in the road and have to decide for yourself which path to take — the linear (what you are expected to do according to society) or non linear (what your soul wants you to in this lifetime)

My mind is all over the place. I knew that but Raj articulated really well as to why. He said everything that we are, stems from the world the little child created for itself to survive. Our subconscious, our conscious is molded by the age of 2 and solidifies by age 5. Anything after is just additional layers but the fundamentals have set in. I don’t have any coherent memories before the age of 6 but I’m aware there is a lot of fear. I thought it was fear from the near death experience I had when I was 5 and was pulled into the ocean for 10 or so seconds till my dad pulled me out. It was so traumatic that my parents never discussed it and I had totally forgotten about this memory till I was reminded by my masseuse, Susan from Theraspring Wellesley, 15 years later. I don’t know how she detected it but she has a gift and she has told me so much about myself better than most therapists have.

Anyways coming back to fear, I don’t have a fear of the water per se, but my body does trip out in swimming pools especially when the water is cold. I still can’t manage to submerge myself completely in water, even bathtubs. My breathing goes erratic, my spine starts shaking, I am just not relaxed one bit. So Raj recommended I deal with the obvious fear first and then go down the rabbit hole and find the deep-rooted fears in my subconscious. Because I have been running away from it, I have created this defense mechanism of constantly dreaming and fantasizing. Which in turn has fucked everything up. I suffer from analysis paralysis, I am super indecisive because I create so many options in my head and each time I change this kaleidoscope of ideas,I am never able to figure out which path to take. He left me with a simple notion “let the moment decide” — basically go with the flow. But it’s hard to do that when you want to make shit happen right. Let’s see how I am going to do this. I have been kind of letting the moment decide by following my intuition, this astrology app co-star, but I need something more concrete. Perhaps I have to just face my underlying fears first and the rest will just take care of it.

He said one very important thing which is perhaps mentioned by Osho in one of this books- mostly everything around us is created out of fear. And that is a huge problem. That is how we are killing the planet. That is why most people are depressed and unsatisfied with their work and life. This was so profound to me because the app I am building, I am going to focus on the fact that it comes from a place of love and not fear. That’s the basis on which I want my creation to change the world — not fear but LOVE.

I was amazed by how Raj identified my issues. He teaches tai chi as well on some mornings and I am going to attend that session tomorrow just because I freaking love his energy and the clarity he’s given me. I need to spend as much time around him as possible before I leave.

Oh and today there was this Death Celebration of someone who passed away yesterday. It was unlike any ‘funeral’. There was live music, we were all dancing and celebrating, for accordingly to osho, death is the last ultimate orgasm. That sums it all I guess!